I can’t even remember just when. I know I went to him for advice when I was a freshman at the local university (UW-Platteville) when I took a course in public speaking. His brilliance with people astounded me. Everyone who ever met him loved him. I wish I were more like that.
But one thing he’d taught me has served me well over the decades, and I thought I’d relate that to whoever will listen.
Lesson: No one can convince me of something better than myself. I don’t know how many “I tried it and failed, next time will be different” experiences I’ve had. Having the humility to ask someone for life-choice advice is rare. Often it is couched in a conversation where a person is relating a frustration over something, and they just can’t (from their experience or perspective) see the obvious (to you or me, anyway) answer to their quandary.
What dad taught me is to help them realize their own answer. I learned elsewhere, that a smart man can give a good answer, but a wise man can ask great questions. This dovetails right into what I’m working toward here.
When presented with a problem or decision, Dad would begin to rattle off answers or solutions that often (while indeed possible) were implausible, illogical, or just downright outrageous. This gives the hearer the opportunity to begin to rule out those options, and, in keeping with open communication, begin to offer their own thoughts as to better ones. He’d ask questions about their solutions to gauge their earnestness and/or willingness to commit to those solutions, especially if he heard one that he himself would choose.
The hearer would walk away (justly) feeling as if they had solved their own problem. I don’t know about you, but hearing a solution in my own voice is much more convincing than one from another. And the true beauty: even if the other person would select a different answer, it was fine with him. No solution is always worse than a wrong one. And if their solution did work, my dad would learn from them and become wiser in the process.
And the reward is intense. Seeing someone succeed and thrive (knowing you played a small role) causes me to quietly smile. Congratulate them. They deserve the credit, because they did the actual work.
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